Seriously, what the fuck?
Just like that. Dreams in the making turned to dust. Mine. Others. Those yet to be realized.
And a wee heart. That has no idea of the games being played, all around it…
What the hell is going on? What did I miss?
Suddenly, my so-called friend was nowhere to be seen. No more text messages asking advice. No more chit-chatting. Just nothing. Dead air.
A little honesty would have gone a LONG way here. Like, was this ever going to actually happen?
Answers absent of questions…
A few emails were exchanged between her and me. Whenever I emailed her I included Brother One. I wanted to be sure both parties (he and his ex) were reading off the same page. I never heard from Brother One again. After the text.
So what was his problem anyways?
According to his ex, he has a lot of questions. He wants to know why we stopped talking a couple of years ago. It appears that he forgets all that transpired. The role he played. And that the bulk of what he is concerned about is of no concern of his. Because what he wants to know has nothing to do with him. He is searching.
And his ex, feels he has a right to know whatever it is that he thinks he has a right to know. She went through all of that with him. She saw how hard things were for him…
But – as her email read – she had been willing to put it all behind her. And move forward.
Let us just clear something up: before my child turned two years old, a party had been planned to celebrate this milestone, then people changed the plans, wanted to move the party to include people that really had nothing to do with me or my child, so hubby and I cancelled the party; doing this allowed for everyone (save us) to get what they wanted. In the middle of all of this, good ol’ bio-mom was making phone calls to my hubby trying to convince him that I was nuts and he should take the wee one and leave. Good ol’ step-daddy was emailing hubby telling him to “get a handle on his wife and close the chasm she had created” and all of this was happening while I was suffering from some serious health troubles. Hospital trips. Tests. Waiting rooms. More tests. More hospital trips. Hospital stays.
Ultimately my relationship with Brother One ended because he is a lazy son-of-a-bitch (literally) who believes the world owes him something and does things that we do not agree with. It ended because he will always have someone else do his bidding. He will always avoid confrontation. He will always pass the blame. Look for the easy way out. And never put anyone before himself. And his mother. Not even his own child. Sadly.
Besides. I was right there. In his living room. At his disposal. And he never asked me a damn thing.
(Another) Parenting Fail
In the last email I sent to my so-called friend, I expressed my concern for the kids. My wee one was fully expecting to see his cousin. Hubby and I, following the lead of someone we thought had his best interest in mind, assured him that would happen over the holidays. During her last visit here, she looked him in the face and promised it. She borrowed a bunch of movies with the intention that we would all be going to see the third installment of a particular flick together. In the theatre. Over the winter break.
I asked her and Brother One, via email, what I was to tell my son. I inquired why his feelings were not being considered. We had taken him out so he could pick a Christmas gift for his cousin. My friend had suggested the kids exchange gifts when they finally got together over the holidays. But now that wasn’t happening.
So what do we do with the gift he had selected for his cousin?
Typically my questions went unanswered and in return I received a bunch of filibuster.
I had sent a Christmas card to her, her boyfriend and my niece. I included the wee one’s school picture. Because I had promised her one, since she was his aunt.
But I would come to second-guess it all. Her actions made me really upset. The stress of it started to negatively impact my health. I was beginning to question my ability to properly parent. To make good, right decisions for my child. I mean, what kind of mother offers her child’s emotions up like sacrificial little lambs? What kind of mother allows other people to dictate the promises you make to your child? I really struggled with myself. It was like a wrestling match. I was proud of myself for making contact, attempting to reconnect, to do right by my son. But I was disappointed with my inability to see further ahead, with my failure to execute the situation properly.
I was frustrated that I had allowed my emotions to wriggle free.
However. Whatever I had done, I did with the belief that what I was doing was best for the wee one. And closed the book on it all.
At least for the holidays.
The Ghost of Christmas Past
Weeks went by quickly once the end of November was upon us. Christmas sort of snuck up on me this year. Usually I have everything organized by mid-September but not this year. Too many variables forced me to leave a few things to the last minute. Which is not normally a commonly found phrase in this gal’s vocabulary. BUT. We all learn new things, right?
The movies still had not been returned. I had my own suspicions as to why. I suspected my former sister from another mister had become engaged to her new man. The guy that had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that I was her ex’s sister (are you following along?); when that was her response to our dinner invitation, I replied, sure I am, DNA dictates that, but I thought we were friends first? Dinner never happened. And now that moment sticks right in my craw…
Anyways, the movies. We wanted them back so we could watch the two prequels. And hubby wanted all his vintage Horror flicks returned because they too had been borrowed. So he sent a text. And received a curt reply. A week later the movies were on our porch. And in the bag with them a Christmas card, including a school picture of my niece (which I will treasure) and some of her artwork (which I believe was intended for her cousin, but we decided not to mention). However grateful I was to have our movies back, to receive the picture and the artwork, I could not for the life of me figure out why.
But I didn’t have time to try and figure it out. Life was really busy. Christmas was coming…
And then it did.
A wonderful morning. A lovely afternoon. With one minor interruption…
A text message.
Wishing us a Merry Christmas, hoping Santa had been good to us…
WHAT THE FUCK?