Sometimes being present is a struggle.

I don’t mean paying attention or being in the moment, but instead presence. Like existence.

Last week was all of things. And then some! Least of all the emotions that accompanied our kiddo entering teenager-dom. That hit harder than expected.

But this week is a lot too.

Tonight, is terrifying: I start Zumba. It is worth mentioning, there is also a good chance Zumba will finish me before I begin in earnest.

There are some difficult decisions to be made, less-than-fun tasks to be tackled, and then that dang medical procedure that has been looming for over a year.

That happens this Friday. At least all the scary bits have been sorted: I can wear both my insulin pump and my CGM (continuous glucose monitor) for the procedure. I just have to be mindful some of the readings via my CGM may be off – depending on Zumba survival, I have a double site change planned for this evening and that will carry me through the procedure.

But there is one hiccup: I had been told I would be eating something, and I had reconciled that, now it turns out I have to drink a meal replacement. And even typing that has me retching.

I hope I can get it all down…

 Anyways, I am trying to give myself some grace and wade through each of these big, heavy things as they come. Even if some of those things feel like moving through quicksand while wearing cement hip waders after drinking far too much coffee on an empty stomach.

Here is where I am, so even a muddle through is progress.

It’s enough. I am enough.

I know I say that a lot, but I am not sure I truly believed it for me.

Until now.