Realabetes – definition: the ugly, REAL face of Type 1 Diabetes.
As you may know, whether through reading my blog (thanks!) or by being a conscious human in this world, there are several types of Diabetes.
I myself am a Type 1. Some (ignorant) people refer to this as the bad type; that is incorrect. No disease, no matter what level of severity, is the good type so that means there is no bad type. Some people refer to Type 1 as Juvenile Diabetes; that is also incorrect. It can be diagnosed at ANY age. There is no cure for Type 1 and no preventative measures to be taken to avoid it.
So, to clarify: my diabetes is the type where my pancreas up and quit one day, decided to skip town and never produce insulin again.
No insulin for you!
There are some who are Type 2. This is the diabetes where the body makes insulin but cannot use it properly. Adjustments and improvements in lifestyle choices can often be of great benefit to Type 2 Diabetes patients; these same healthy choices can be installed helping you prevent or postpone diagnosis.
Gestational Diabetes occurs during pregnancy. The body struggles to use insulin properly, and this diabetes usually goes away after the baby is born.
There are a few others now too: LADA and MODY. I’ll leave those with you. Or at least for another time.
Where was I going with all of this…?
Oh right, the various types of Diabetes. While Realabetes is not a medical term (it’s a Reba term) it IS a form of Diabetes (just like Fakeabetes, but that’s a story for another day!), at least it is in my book, and that is currently where we are…so forgive if I take a few liberties!
Yesterday was not a good glucose day for me. I rode high all fucking day long. I thew insulin at those nasty double digit readings like my life depended on it (OH WAIT! It did…) and was slapped around all day by failed attempts to wrangle those shuggies.
Yesterday was a REALABETES day. The ‘Betes and I can usually mosey through our days pretty well, hand in hand. We have a mutual understanding. Most days. But not this day. NOOOOOO, this day the ‘Betes decided it wanted to rear its UGLY FACE.
Which resulted in this face…
This is the face of defeat. This is the face of go fuck yourself Diabetes and take life with you. This is the face of someone who fought to get her glucose level from the high teens to normal range for close to 10 fucking hours while also navigating life (which included getting Bean ready for school, packing lunch and making breakfast, it included multiple errands and attempting to set up a new computer – that almost found itself launched out the window – and spending an unexpected 2 hours at the car dealership picking up our new vehicle while nearly running out of insulin, it also included doing a pump site change and the general to do around the house, while trying not to be a totally exasperated and snarky human as we spent the evening together as a family playing Star Wars Monopoly). This is the face of someone who cried, got angry, got angrier and then cried some more. This is the face of someone who doesn’t feel well, someone who is thirsty, nauseous and grossly uncomfortable in their body. This is the face of someone physically exhausted and mentally spent. This is the face of someone who desperately wants to give up, but can’t because if she does she will die.
It is also the face of a resilient soul. It is the face of someone who endured feeling horrendous for hours on end. It is the face of someone who made it through the day. It is the face of someone who managed to give herself a wee break and maybe wasn’t as hard on herself as she normally is, and that makes this the face of success.
The shit list is much longer but it need only be the focus if you want or allow it to be.
And, while the success list is much shorter it is where my focus will be, because I deserve to be proud of me.
Realabetes is unavoidable. One day, here and there, it will make itself known. In some way, shape or form; it will rear its ugly face and stare you down until you simply cannot ignore it any longer.
Sure, you can hide it. Pretend it isn’t there, if that’s what works for you.
That’s not what works for me. While the ‘Betes and I have shared a lot and grown a lot in our 20 years together, the greatest gift I ever gave us was transparency. I simply cannot deny or disregard any part of our relationship. And that means shining a big ol’ bright light on all the nasty, dirty bits.
Those ugly face moments suck. It feels like ‘Betes is getting the upper-hand. And that’s okay. Trust me.
We cannot win all the time. If we did, what would we ever learn?