CAMP is a Four Letter Word: Part 1

I’m scared. So scared. Terrified, in fact.

Each and every single thing that triggers my anxiety is firing off in swarms lately.

I am restless and fatigued. Tense and lethargic. My heart is racing and I’m having trouble thinking clearly. I can’t even read a book or sketch. Everything I need or want to do takes more of me than I can offer.

Is it hypoglycemia or anxiety?

I should mention, for those who may not know, I’m a Type 1 Diabetic with diagnosed Dysthymia and Anxiety. And a laundry list of other health issues but we can save those for another day. Another post.

I currently (carefully) manage my Diabetes using two different insulins – a long and a short acting – via multiple daily injections (Did I mention I also have a needle phobia? Totally ironic, right? And, I’m covered in tattoos – go figure!), a flash glucose monitor and glucometer. I also eat a low carb, vegetarian diet. For exercise, I do Yoga, play with my kiddo and walk.

It’s still a tightrope walk on the best of days.

My mental health is something I monitor just as carefully. I used to treat my Anxiety with psychotherapy (antidepressants were NOT an effective form of treatment for me) until we moved a year ago. When we moved I left the Endocrinology Clinic that I had been going to in favour of something local. Unfortunately, the new clinic does not have an in-house Psychotherapist. And, because they themselves are specialists, cannot refer me to one. And while I was able to find a new family doctor, there is a wait to get to a therapist. And so, I wait. It is not my strong suit in a general sense.

And it has proven to be detrimental to my health.

My stomach is in knots. My chest is tight. I’m sweating, and I’ve got a mild case of the sweats.

Maybe I should test my glucose levels…even though I’m certain it’s not a hypo…

And it’s not. In fact, my levels are higher than I’d like, better go correct that…

I’m scared. So scared. And I have been for days.

Maybe even months.

It continues to build. And is intensifying…I am petrified it will become a full blown attack at some point. Even though I am doing my best to avoid that. I want nothing to do with that catastrophe. But I sense it, see it peeking around the corner up ahead. I am scrambling, desperate to change my path.

So what’s got me running?

Or not running. Fight or flight has yet to fully kick in…

It’s one thing. One word.


11 thoughts on “CAMP is a Four Letter Word: Part 1

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