Change of Heart

When clearer minds prevail things tend to make more sense. Whether they actually do or not is yet to be determined, but hey, why not a starting place?

To say I have been absent from the Land of Blogging is an understatement. To say that I flat out abandoned it in every sense (reading, writing, searching of posts) would be far more accurate. And since I’m a practical gal who has a preference for things that are organized and realistic, why don’t we go for accuracy?

An odd duck am I and that’s okay. I truly have reached a level of self-love (dirty minds snicker silently!) that really borders on self-respect. Some people might find that a little ‘egg before the chicken’ but I value respect more and differently than love. To most of the world these days, love is no longer a sacred commodity. Respect seems far more coveted. So I really don’t think I’m too far off on this one. That being said, much has changed since last we were together. Thanks for not losing faith.

And if you’re new here, well, thanks for stopping in…

Brother One is…AWESOME

The Brothers and I have storied pasts. Some of those stories I can recall, many are lost with all the other lost memories, and some I do not know. But stories there are. Though perhaps more there never will be. At least, not as they were…

Before August closed, Brother One came around. FINALLY! And I was right to hold out hope for him. He changed his mind and one Sunday morning we headed up to his place for breakfast with him and his daughter! It was a lovely visit and to see the two kids together was like magic. I am so glad he was able to see the why and so allow this all to happen.

Baby steps, is how he put it. So a few visits here and there for all of us, especially the kids. And a few chats between grown-ups. Between brother and sister. And between brother and brother (-in-law). And when you do things properly, it all really does come out in the wash. I believe we have all said our peace. At least, the peace that shall be spoken.

But all in all, things turned out great. The two little ones adore each other and have managed to teach each other a few things too. It has been beyond amazing to witness the happiness that is produced when those two get down to business, erupting with giggles and laughter. There have been outings and sleep overs. Dear old Uncle there even stepped in and watched both kids, our dog, my parent’s dog, and both cats for a night. So Hubby and I could dash off to see Paul McCartney play.

Our little guy loves his Uncle. Raves about him. Says things that even cause Brother One to turn a slightly brighter shade of pink…it has been good for everyone involved, I would say.

It might seem strange to post something so short and simple about a subject that has filled this blog. But I don’t think so. Sometimes there really is a short, simple answer.

Sometimes the end of one chapter comes takes time for completion while another ends abruptly. There was a growth and a change that needed to happen in both our lives. The events that transpired over the course of the last few years allowed us to appreciate things differently. See life and the world differently. So I cannot be sad that there was a distance between us when, in the end, it will be that distance that brings us closer.

What about the others?

Well, it would appear some closure has come in regards to Brother Two. You see, it is my turn to host Family Christmas. I am over the moon excited. I have worked really hard over the last couple of years to create a home that I love. That is a reflection of my own family. And I believe we are (nearly!) there! So when the opportunity came to have everyone over for dinner we jumped at the chance. I am old-fashioned some might say, and so sent out holiday invitations complete with a poem and festive paper.

Even to Brothers Two and Three. Though I had to email them theirs. As I am not allowed to know their addresses (ahem) and did not want my parents to have to break any confidence, even though I am really only inviting them because I want my folks and Nana to have as complete a family get together as possible. AHEM. Sorry, home sick with a cold! *wink wink* Alas, I emailed the two of them. Within minutes, had to be less than five, Brother Two responded: DON’T EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN!!!!!!!

Okay.

So that didn’t go as planned. Not totally unexpected but mildly surprising. I literally laughed out loud when I read it. Then promptly showed my husband. You see, days earlier, in a town that neither Brother One nor Brother Two live in, their paths crossed. In a restaurant. And Brother Two send One a drink. A beer. To see what he would do; would he come over and say thank you, would he return the gesture? Brother One did nothing. Nor should he.

When last their paths crossed Brother One made his best effort to be cordial to Brother Two. At this meeting Brother Two blatantly ignored both Brother One, myself and our significant others. This was also the time he stepped over my infant child as though nothing more than a piece of yut in the way. That moment, and when my grandfather passed, is when I lost respect for Brother Two.

Alas, I will make note of Brother Two’s wishes and he will receive no further contact from me unless something happens to my parents. And if/when that happens, at their request, I will.

Nothing from Brother Three. Who knows what will happen there.

time heart

While Brother Two had a quick and thoughtless response to the invite, the old Troll here hopes Brother Three, perhaps, has a change of heart…and mind…

Sickness. Has. Landed.

T’is the season to be congested and snotty! Fa la la la la, la la…blech.

It has been creeping around me for days. First showed signs about a week ago. I began feeling tired. When I shouldn’t. Then my little one came down with a fever on Wednesday. I had to call in to work because I needed to stay home with him. But he mended up fast. He was back at school the next day though lingering sickness rendered him slightly more emotional than usual. After an appointment, Hubby and I made a mad dash around town and shored up most of the holiday shopping. Friday was a PA Day, the little guy was home with me. Both feeling a bit lazy we kind of just hung out around the house and worked on redoing the basement family room. Saturday came and I by the end of the day I really thought I had licked this thing. But by mid-Sunday it let me know that wasn’t the case at all.

When you’re sick they say you should rest. I am not a napper. I only fall asleep out of shear exhaustion. But I do know how to rest. And for each of us there is a different version of that.

For me rest usually means an hour in bed. Laying there, organizing my thoughts. My life. The lives of those I share my life with. Planning the next move, and the fifteen hundred or so that follow that preliminary one. Like how will missing today’s 8-hour shift, and likely my shift tomorrow too, financially impact us in two-week’s time? While lying there I am suffering from some of the most intense sinus pain I have ever endured, my head and face are killing me (and this is coming from someone who goes to Urgent Care for migraine treatment). I have a fever. And now my throat is starting to feel scratchy. I have the chills and it feels like my eyes, nose and all the sinus things I have are full of exploding pop rocks. And sorry to be gruesome, but there is a wad of stuff high up in my nose that will neither descend when I blow nor retreat when I suck back (again, dirty minds, silent!). It simply lingers there making me ever aware of its presence.

And my sickness.

Who knows? Perhaps, I should be more appreciative of the co-worker who infected me (because there is a culprit and I will never let her forget this). This sickness paused me long enough to be inspired to pop on here…

One thought on “Change of Heart

  1. Pingback: 2016: What a year! | A Soul is a Resilient Thing

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