In high school I traveled between various groups of kids. Perhaps I have a commitment problem… And that was okay with me. I had a busy life. I worked a lot. And once I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes there was a significant drop-off in the number of people who could actually and properly deal with that.
But I did have a friend that I casually hung out with high school. She had a couple different groups of friends. Some at the school. And others. She was a year older than me. Graduated after four years instead of five and so left me friendless earlier than I had anticipated. But we kept in touch. And grew closer after I moved back home. Post DKA.
There was another girl who occasionally joined us. Late nights and exposing chats. Coffee. Tea (for me, back then). Cigarettes. Music. The three of us became a tight trio. My university friend often joined us too. And so we become four. Until things started to change. Right around the time I met the hubs. Distance. Fewer and fewer invites out. No more caffeine fueled late night chats.
My high school friend needed a place to crash. She called me up. She was dating the hubs’ cousin at the time (the one who introduced us to each other). Living with him in fact. And it had all fallen apart. She needed a place. So I offered. Stay with me til you sort yourself out, no worries. But it became a mess. She had secretly reunited with her previous mate. I was very seldom home due to school, work and a boyfriend in another city. One weekend when I went to visit him, she had her guy over. AND had sex in my bed. I asked her to leave. Over a month of her bull shit was enough for me.
A few weeks later we met for a drink. She was moving out west. I had never asked her for any contribution during her stay with me. Though it did cost me a bit. At the bar, she arrived with the other girl. They sat down and told me what an awful person I was. My high school friend handed me a cheque for $75. We all finished our drinks and left.
A few months later, I started receiving weird emails. Some from people I didn’t know. Some people I did know received a few strange ones too. From me. Hubby received emails from me and another guy that looked like exchanges between two lovers. But I hadn’t sent them. I received an email from the local police requesting that I stop harassing them. And if I do not, there will be charges laid. What the fuckity fuck is this? Turns out that other girl had hacked my email. Furthering the wedge between me and both my high school and university friends. And some others.
Only the hubs believed they weren’t from me.
Bitches be trifling!
Sometimes I wonder if acquaintances are better than friends. I have a ton of acquaintances. Seems everyone does. Maybe acquaintanceship is the modern day friendship. A relationship in which you only minimally devote yourself to two to four handfuls of people. Or friends.
I was recently made aware that I suck at acquaintances just as much as friends. The hubs says that isn’t so. But…
A gal we met walking the wee one to school back in September has a little guy in his class. In the nice weather we all walked to and from school together. The boys seemed to enjoy the extra kid time. As both are only children. She seemed nice enough and we became social media friends (please do think for a minute that the silliness of it all is lost on me, because it isn’t!).
There is a child in the class that occasionally disrupts it and creates situations that forces the teachers to split their attention between him and the other kids. All kids have bad days, off days, where the same thing happens. Unfortunately, this situation is now a regular occurrence for this particular child. As parents a group of us, her included, bantered about the issue. But came to the conclusion that kids will be kids and it is all part of the learning process. That was before the winter holiday break.
Apparently things have not changed. Though my little guy (who was once the kid’s target) gave us the impression it was all under control. Plus. We have never been given a reason for real or any concern from the teachers.
Well, the other day this gal posted a status on her personal page. It caused me to question some happenings in the classroom, so I sent her a private message to get more information. Turns out, her little guy, along with a handful of other children, was now the target. And was very upset by it all. Naturally so was she. I thanked her for informing me, sent well wishes to her little boy, and bid her good night.
The next morning I woke up to an update on her status. There were now nearly 30 comments from her and various other adults. And frankly, what I read horrified me. People were saying the kid needs an ass whopping. They drew conclusions that were not theirs or fair to draw, questioning the mental health of the child and criticizing its parents. No one, save the gal who posted this status, knows the child or the family. But felt it was okay to write things like, ”they don’t separate the retards and psycho kids anymore like they used to, apparently it is supposed to be good for the kids to all be together, that’s fucking bullshit you should go to the superintendent” about a five year old child. And I found that utterly disturbing.
So. I posted something on my personal page. Something to the effect of Parenting is a rough road at the best of times, even harder when bumps arise, but never is it okay to slander another person’s child, calling in to question their mental state and health…that isn’t it verbatim, but in a nutshell. WELL. She took great offense to that. Posted a comment right back. Not privately like I had done her the courtesy. Said that I “had discussed the situation with her previously, and would be the first one guns a-blazing god forbid it were my child” and “I never mentioned any name, you just assumed who I was talking about.”
Excuse me, lady? You’re the one who says to your child while walking with mine, “be more like him, he’s such a good boy, look how he listens to his mom, why can’t you be more like that?” to which I reply, “oh, he has his moments too, has times where he doesn’t listen and misbehaves.”
My kid in no way gets a free ride when it comes to how he presents himself to the world. He works really hard to be the stellar human being he is.
I replied agreeing that we had indeed spoken privately about the issues in the classroom. But that we had never played doctor and diagnosed the child. I agreed that were something going on like that with my child you better fucking believe I would be all over it. But that I would use the proper channels to privately do so. As we had done so earlier in the year.
Fifteen minutes later I removed my post. And her comments. I saw the (somewhat) inappropriateness of my actions.
SO Not My Bestie
As I mentioned before. I like to share my abundance of truth serum. Giggle if you will, but I will sing the song of truth whenever I can. And the truth is, that woman’s post about another couple’s child in a public forum was wrong. What ensued following that post, the comments about autism, mental capability and parenting, was WRONG. The fact that she didn’t remove the discussion as it became more and more derogatory was WRONG.
She should voice concern about her child? Absolutely. But only her child.
In times when our babies are ending their short lives over hurtful, untrue or inappropriate words someone has typed while hiding behind a screen, it is wrong to cast such sweeping and public judgements. It is wrong to post comments calling for physical harm to be bestowed upon a child. It is wrong to foster a situation that could make a child feel worthless and bad about themselves. And she couldn’t see the wrong in any of it. Instead she pitched a bitch fit.
And later removed her reviews from and support for my business’ social media page.
This morning I made the decision to end that social media friendship.