What is love?

Baby, don’t hurt me…don’t hurt me no more…

Love is hard.  Complicated.

There is no manual or guide.  No book you can buy containing magic spells of wooing wonders.

Sometimes in love questions will arise – questions you didn’t think had anything to do with love.

No more…

Introductions

When you met the one you love were you expecting to?

I wasn’t.  At.  All.

But it happened.

As it does.

When you met the one you love were you thinking long term?

I wasn’t.  At.  All.

But it happened.

As it does.

When you met the one you love did you think they would ever let you down?

I didn’t.  At.  All.

But it happened.

As it does.

When you met the one you did you think you would ever let them down?

I didn’t.  At.  All.

But it happened.

As it does.

But love isn’t about a feeling that gets you high.  And then lets you fall.  It is so much more than that.  The actual feeling of love should come easily.  In my opinion, you shouldn’t have to think about whether you love someone or not.  And if you do, then stop thinking.  Because it isn’t love you are looking for…

Real love never stops growing.  Or changing.  It is evolutionary.

And that goes for the people we are in love with too.  No matter how well you have come to know each other there will always be things we do not know about each other.  And I do not mean secrets.  But there are things that we do not even know about ourselves as we change and grow.  So.  I think it is only fair to assume that your partner is unaware of things about themselves in the process of growth and change.  There are frustrations that will inevitably arise from this.  Thus making love and the relationship itself a challenging thing.

How much you get out of it – the relationship, the love – is not completely dependent on what you put in; it also depends on what gets injected by the other person.  And if that is nothing, then nothing will ultimately come of it.  Far too many people settle in to a relationship and think that is it.  The climax is comfort.  You have someone you can burp, fart or even pee in front of; they’ve seen your best, your worst and all the in-betweens.

But there is more beyond all of that.

The introductions between you and your partner should never cease.  Especially at that initial one.

Romantic Racing

The pace at which we move through life varies person to person.  Even situation to situation.

Some people can move at the pace the world, or the environment they are in, delivers.  Others struggle.  Desperately struggling to find a way to slow it down.  Some drowning in a sea of procrastination.  Weighed down by anchors of self-doubt.  And that doesn’t mean they are bad people.  It means they need love.  And some encouragement.

And then there are some equally desperate to speed things up.  Quantity vs quality?

Regardless of your pace, how you handle it and if you alter, it is your pace.  An integral component of your mode.  The means with which you move through the courses of this lifetime.  The paths you choose to take, the speed with which you choose to travel them will be very different than the person next to you.  Whether you share a life with them or if they are the person next to you on the bus.

Never change your mode for someone else.  Never ask someone else to change their mode for you.  Even if you feel like you are suddenly alone.  Running against time.  Running against the world.  Running, running, running.  Alone, alone, alone.  But that is no reason to ask them to change for you.  You cannot forge a person.  Heck, you can try, but it will not be successful.  The outcome is resentment.

The race you run is yours.  Sure, it is great to have someone beside you, to look over and nod at.  But you run for you.  The running you are doing does not actually move the other person forward.  Only you.  They have to move themselves.  Because they want to.  No amount of your want will do that.

Once you come to understand that you can hope to have a better understanding of love.  Maybe even a better understanding of the person you love.

And maybe in all of that, you will also find forgiveness.

Be that what you need to find.

Lose Control

How in control of love can we really be?  Is it even a thing to be controlled?

If we step in, are we going to spoil it?  Tainted love?

I have already expressed my opinions.  Love needs work.  But I also acknowledge and respect its organic nature.  And that makes it tricky.  Not love.  But the decision whether or not to become more involved.

There are people who like to leave it all up to chance.  Perhaps leaving it all in the charge of an omniscient.  A creator?  Or a loose version of it… cupid?

I can see that Valentine’s Day first emerged as a commercialized holiday in 18^th-century England, as it was then an evolved occasion in which lovers would express their love for each other with confections, flowers or greeting cards (known as valentines).  So to see what it has become is of no shock to me.  The world we live in today is vastly different than the world of yesterday, with tomorrow being even more challenging.  It is no wonder in these busy times, this twenty-four-seven-fifty-two-three-sixty-five world, there is little time to show people we care.  But the marketing machine shouldn’t be the one instructing us how.  Or when.

Why not be a rebel?  Why not show the one you love you love them each and every day?  Why not take five minutes a day and dedicate it to that person?  The average dinner on Valentine’s Day last about two and a half hours.  Think about it…  Plus, consistent love doesn’t leave a person waiting to know, wondering if and hoping that they still are loved.  They wouldn’t question or doubt your love.  Think about it…

So.  Go on.  Let the love flow…