People are all different.  But I think we all have a similar if not the same starting point.

Hubby and I embarked on a discussion of sorts on this point.  The other night.  A how do we come to be who we are conversation of sorts.  In a roundabout way it was a detour from a conversation that initiated with WWII and Hitler.  From that we digressed into the delusion that WE would be able to sort out the human race!  And though we conversed for hours (as we often do) we arrived at the same befuddling conclusion: human beings are fucked.

However, we did arrive at what we believe is an okay starting point.  If one was to look at a person as a percentage (crudely, yet working to be 100% human) there may be a way to trace the evolution of their person.  So.  Based on that we agreed that it would be safe and fair to say that we come in to human being 50% good.  After that it is a bit of a roll of the dice.

But isn’t everything?

How Are You

Most outcomes regardless of description cannot be predicted.  We can do our best to navigate or follow through but we can almost never guarantee the outcome of a situation.  Like my little guy’s birthday party.  Six parents confirmed.  Five kids showed up.  And without an explanation why, it was tough to bring my little guy around to understanding.

Before we arrive here – on this planet, in this physical form – I believe that we have some say as to how we will be.

Will we be good-natured or mean-spirited?  Are you going to be someone to helps people or hurts people?  How will you impact the planet and the other physical forms around you?  What kind of human are you?

Sticking with the theme of Human Mathematics I believe there is 20% up for grabs here.  There are things we all do innately.  Preferences.  Feelings of déjà vu.  That all must come from somewhere previous.  Prior to now.

We bantered about and arrived at 20%.  We both felt that allows for variance and bumps the percentage of good up.  Hubby is forever searching for the pure goodness in society.  Cynical, practical me knows better.  Good people do bad things sometimes.  Does that make them any less good?  Thus lessening their 20% share in goodness.

A lot of times we are confused beings.  We misinterpret other people’s actions.  We think they are thinking about us, considering us.  We watch life play out assuming those actions are based on us.  That they’ve thought about us, considered us.  And all of a sudden we have injected ourselves in to the logic and explanation of another person’s actions and/or emotions!  What the fuck?  What does that say about us?  Are we by nature or predetermination selfish and narcissistic?  How much percentage does that eat up?

Of course, on some level or out of social politeness, the consequences of our actions should be something we are conscious of.  BUT.  How relevant should someone’s feelings, opinions, etc. be when it comes to YOUR actions?  Sometimes situations arise that do not allow for the consideration of others.

I have been accused of causing such hurts when hurting anyone was the furthest thing from my actual intentions.  Such accusations are difficult to recover from even if those accusations are a nervous slip.  I have been accused of being a mean person (those on the inside will truly appreciate the humour in that) by my biological mother several times in my life as if we were in the midst of a school yard quarrel.

We hurt others’ feelings without meaning to.  We also make mistakes.  Lots of mistakes.  So you can come in with your extra 20% good.  And falter a bit.

It doesn’t make you any less good.  Only more human.

Environmental Studies

We are influenced by what is around us.  Soooo many scientific studies and soooo many research things have proven that.  The nature vs nurture thing is a long standing discussion.  One unlikely to end because there are soooo (last time, I promise) many variables.  Such a case by case thing.

We gave another 20% to environmental influence.

My mother is an awesome human being, to quote my husband.  And I completely agree.  She embodies what you would…well, what I would want.  She is the perfect mom for me.  I did not spend nine months in her womb.  I did not meet her until I was about seven.  She did not become my (step) mom until I was nine.  She did not become my real (adoptive) mom until I was twenty.  But that lady is my mama.  And her family is my family.

When I reconnected with my father he placed the weight in my mother’s hands and the dice in mine.  We were going to play the scales of justice.  The decision would be hers ultimately.  Her “forgiveness” was a teaching moment in my life.  And a catalyst for all that we have today.

My mom’s family are maritimers, hailing from Nova Scotia.  Best kind of people if you ask me.  I am constantly asked if I am a maritimer.  I always say, with pride, mom’s side is!  I never get ask if I am a cunt-faced country bumpkin.  So.  In my case at least, it looks like nurture won. 🙂

The Last 10

When it comes down to GOD hubby and I have commonalities in our opinions on the subject but differences are still present.  In a way we have a combined belief.

He is a mega Tolkien fan.  Not just Lord of the Rings.  All his other, less known stuff.  Tolkien tells of creation happening through a song.  Sung by many voices.  One out of tune.  And hubby sees merit in it.  Hubby believes we all came to be here kind of like that.  He believes that out there beyond the realm of here, perhaps, the place we go when we are done here is the very place from which we originate.  And we are, for the most part, all there working in unison.  Together.

I am also a fan of Tolkien.  I have not read all that he has.  Though I procured the bulk of that library for him.  I like the idea that we came to being through song.  I really do.  And I can see the beauty in the idea of it.  It just isn’t the answer for me.

I believe in GOD.  I believe there is a consciousness that reigns over all.  I believe it is us.  We are GOD.  GOD is us.  Our higher selves.

I truly believe that we create our own destiny.  Whether the drawing board is here or light years and lifetimes away.  Our hands have touched the lives we are living before we came into existence.  It is what makes our souls such resilient things.  But even that idea of creation is not a guarantee.

I guess, more simply put, for me, the idea of GOD is a game of chance.  If we are privy to the lives we will live here before they exist then I would like to believe that we are able to see all the scenarios and consequences but only to know of their possibility.  That is where the surprise of life comes from – no pre-sets.  Just the chance (GOD) that it could happen.  And – without sounding too preachy – what should happen will.

Whatever the outcome.

The last 10% is up to chance.

Truth No Fooling

There is no doubt.  Human beings are fucked.  Over-complicated and emotional creatures.  So determined to prove ourselves.  To ourselves.  Not really each other.  Though it is easier to blame other people…I guess.  Yep.  Fucked.  But that isn’t all bad.  Really.  Don’t worry.

We are all fucked in different ways.  It is what makes this world go round.  Difference.  Yet it is the one thing we cannot seem to agree upon.  Difference nowadays is what drives us apart.  Worlds apart.  It has become some thing that we tolerate when it was a thing of celebration.  When it should BE a thing of celebration.

Regardless of the tally.  Under all the judgements and doubts we really are 100% human.

How good we chose to be is another thing.