Have you ever mulled the day away? Without even knowing or meaning to. The worries and time slipping ever quicker through your fingertips. They dissipate before hitting the ground sending a shock wave that jars you back into reality. That’s what happened to me. Yesterday. When I was left home alone.
I wondered and worried about what I was going to do all day. ALL DAY. Then there was no day left. BAM! Shit. What did I accomplish today? Anything? Well, I walked the dog and did my chores (as I stated yesterday), I took pictures and posted a bunch of stuff on Kijiji, caught up on some reading of blogs…yup. That about sums it up. But that wasn’t enough for me. No. So I walked over and picked up my now big guy from a full day of school. We strolled home with a classmate and his mom. And then I mowed the lawns. After I wasted almost my entire day wondering if I would or not. What can you do?
Done just in time for hubby to arrive home. As the wee one played in his undies with the pooch on the freshly mowed lawns.
And after that I felt much better.
Should have mowed them earlier in the day and saved myself some grief, eh?
Live and Learn
As I was reading yesterday I learned something. From a gal who writes a blog on here. The knowledge I gleamed really had nothing to do with her blog, but I found it valuable. So I stole it! She changed her theme (and her blog looks great!) and I had no idea you could do that…I thought once you picked you were stuck there, in a theme you may or may not even like anymore.
Release! Screw you boring theme, but thanks for getting me this far. Hello new theme, wonder where we’ll go together…
I learned a couple of other things yesterday too. A few things about myself. Sometimes that is scary. Sometimes that is easy. Yesterday it was unexpected.
I thought I was going to be really excited for some free time. But it wasn’t free at all. I felt chained to the clock. Afraid to look yet fixated. I struggle with time. Enough so I will NOT wear a timepiece. But yesterday I really struggled. Today it is a little better. Hubby didn’t start as early so I was happy to have him for a bonus cup of coffee before work this morning. And that pushed the day forward an hour. Thankfully.
I have also been applying to part time jobs. EEK!! Office work. Retail. Something to earn a bit of extra dosh while the little (or should I say big) guy is in school. I still want to be able to be very active in the school. But. I have not worked outside the home in a really long time. And, while I have had success in the past, it has not always gone well. Looking back on my records of employment it is quite clear that my health gets the better of me after about 6 months. Countless times I have had to leave jobs over the last decade. It is embarrassing and upsetting. I am not a quitter yet I have had to remove myself from that working world in order to reign in my health. And because I am unable to work it means my family has to operate on a single, part-time retail income.
So I battle that demon too. The one that emerges on the lips of others…she could work, she’s just lazy; diabetes isn’t that bad; does she think she’s special and doesn’t have to work…
In the past, I have terminated relationships because of thoughts like that. Friends and family members have expressed over the years that I am faking it…all of it. And I am not sure what I think about that, but those particular relationships no longer exist. And that helps.
Like I said, live and learn.
All. The. Time.
Do you LIKE what you FOLLOW?
I have been blogging on here for a while now. Mostly for selfish purposes. Like an outlet (better out than in) for my thoughts and emotions. A place to lay down all the writing I had done over the years under the bulk head A Soul is a Resilient Thing. Then it became clear I needed to split it up. So I did that. Added a new section called Musings. I worried my Resilient section may venture too deeply in to areas not many people are comfortable going.
Bless my dear old dad, he thought they were excerpts from a book I liked. Bless.
It seems my Musings are more popular. I am not sure why. Perhaps, the colloquial language. Or the more day-to-day content. Whatever the reason, I started getting LIKES and comments after the addition of that section. Yet. I still struggle to get the readership. I still struggle to get the LIKES. And the comments. I have done all the things they say to do when you want more readers to drop in…follow similar blogs, LIKE posts and comment…check, check, check.
Maybe what I write is not of any interest. Maybe what I write is boring. Maybe it sucks. I have no idea. And I would say oh, it doesn’t matter, but the truth is it does. It matters to me. It feels good to have people read what I have written. Many times I have been told I am gifted. I don’t know about that…but maybe my lack of self-belief is holding me back…can you sense self-doubt in writing?
As I have said before, I am no blog pro. I used to be up-to-date, sometimes even ahead-of-the-game, when it came to tech and all that. But somewhere around ten years ago my desire to stay on that track flittered away…it just didn’t seem as important as it once was. Besides technology (in my most humble opinion) is nearing another plateau. People get confused. They think that a new version means new technology. And it doesn’t.
Alas, I am a bit distant from the inner workings of internet success. I am old fashioned. I rely on word of mouth for my business. Maybe that is another reason it is not booming. But it is blipping. Meh. I miss the old days: cash not plastic, rotary telephones, playing outside…
It glitters but it isn’t always gold.
Today the day didn’t escape me. I tackled it. Accomplished more than I thought I would. With a few moments to spare!
And again, I learned something. Gained something actually. A bit of perspective…my favourite snack…
While my stats may be low, my LIKEs limited and the comments scarce, I have a voice. I have something to say. And there ARE people out there reading (THANK YOU). That means the world to me. It is the force that drives me to sit before this screen. When I do. So the blogging world is like a karaoke bar. Sometimes you listen to the person on stage singing. And sometimes you go to the bar to buy a drink. Sometimes you can hear them while you are in the loo. And sometimes you leave early because it just isn’t your thing.
And sometimes the mic just needs a rest.