Soul Rot: Disappointment

Sometimes we overlook those we disappoint, especially ourselves, whom I am sure we let down the most. We assume the people we disappoint – including ourselves – will get over it and simply bounce back from wherever it is whatever it is we have done has sent them. We want to believe it is possible but mostly our faith lies in forgiveness.

Forgiveness offers hope while reminding us we are all fallible. And, on a certain level that is okay. Imperfection houses perfection, and quite literally so!

A soul is a resilient thing. It has the tremendous ability to recover from disappointment but only if you allow it to; disappointment, if left unattended, will fester until it begins to ooze sadness and regret. Remembering your soul’s resiliency is the ointment for this wound. It will help you change your perspective and ease you out of the darkness, back to the light. And a bit of light, even the smallest amount, can make all the difference in the world.

When we disappoint ourselves we change almost certainly, though the disappointments we are faced with cannot be generalized our human reactions to them can be; for example, self loathing is born often times in the land of disappointment. We fail to achieve or live up to the expectations we have set for ourselves (and, perhaps, those set or those we assume are set by others) and instead of being forgiving we are scathing and searing, we judge ourselves so harshly and punish even harder. And why? What do we learn from such torturous behaviour?

Yes, a soul is a resilient thing, but that is not a license to be cruel and unusual. A soul is only as resilient as the fostering and nurture it receives. If you disappoint yourself you often have to dig deeper to find out why; first you have to choose to dig and that is a frightening prospect for most. Many people do not like to venture too far below the surface when it comes to anything, especially themselves, as it is not only strange territory to navigate but also much scarier than any other terrain; disappointment can cast a shadow that can make exploring beyond difficult. It is for these reasons, and probably countless others, a lot of people seemingly never change.

No one enjoys feeling disappointed, regardless of how that feeling came to be, and if not handled properly if will leave lasting effects, residual disappointment and a sinking feeling with black hole capabilities. Those little seeds of doubt that grow catastrophically large in no time at all, tricky things they are because quite often you do not even know they are there, embedded like shrapnel. Tiny, microscopic seeds that suck nutrients from your soul.

Without the proper nourishment a soul can and likely will wither and warp, growing bent and malformed. It will grow dry and brittle; malnourished souls become susceptible to fracture and breakage, cracking under the pressure. A damaged soul is by no means a lost soul, however, the cracks evident in a soul are often the most troublesome injury as they can reoccur and grow. And, while a soul may be a resilient thing, it is only so if cared for properly, should it be neglected it will be unable to hold up that end of the bargain…if ever a deal was even made.

Disappointment, in some shape at some time, is bound to skip across your path. You may disappoint yourself, you may disappointment someone else. Someone else may disappoint you. How and if you deal with it is a choice only you can make.

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