The Resolutions We Break

I have never made a New Year’s resolution. I find the whole thing a bit over-commercialized now. And with most people’s resolutions being their outer image, there is a lot riding on the marketability of this very personal thing like gym membership sales, clothing sales, superficial everything sales, and for what? Why do people run out and do these things? Some people are successful, some people are not but the marketing machine does come to town again in a few months, you know, with swimsuit season around the corner and at all, ready to take its toll on everyone. Anyways, my apologies, with all the vrooming and zooming of out-of-control Transformers in the background, I appear to wandering off track…

I have never made a New Year’s resolution. You know the kind, it is the start of a brand new year, time for a brand new you, take this year to make it right resolution.

Have you? Did you keep it?

Congratulations if you did either.

Making a promise (to yourself or another) to change and do better is a big deal; working to achieve a goal you set is a big deal, but we should do it every day.

The closest I ever came to a new year’s resolution of sorts would be the year I turned 29. On that birthday I resolved to tie up a few loose ends in my life, as well as the few threads dangling with myself and others. I vowed to really work on myself, to eliminate bad people and influences from my life. I promised myself that I would work on my demons (we all have them, foolish are those who believe they are impervious to such things) and be better to me, to have more faith in me, to stop being so negative and cruel to me. And I swore to myself that I would do it on a really deep level, in a way that really sticks.

Nothing superficial, it was time to get down to the nitty gritty.

To some this may seem like an ordinary thing, an easy thing. It is not. And it is a great deal harder than you think. For most people it is easy to lose sight of yourself, especially these days with the busy lives we lead; a person has to consciously keep track of themselves – who they are, where they are – and that alone is a hard promise to make, let alone keep. But, like many do at times, I felt at that time really unaware of who and where I was. And it wasn`t the first time, likely not the least either. Alas, there I stood, a freshly minted (and first edition) 29 year old ready to dissect myself, make some adjustments and changes, and have a really good listen…to me.

Dirty 30.

Really, that’s what they call it?

Anyways…I hit 30 and I felt really happy with what I had accomplished. Was it everything? No. It was more. There were unexpected hurdles, decisions to make, and changes. There were a few surprises. But I changed. And I changed a lot. I couldn’t tell you why I decided to do it, why I decided to do it then or any of the particulars. About six months after the birth of my son something in me rustled. I suddenly felt the need to do this soul examination, if you will, and I felt a strong need to do it when I did.

Perhaps my inspiration was the magic little being I spent my days with (not an imaginary friend, my wee one *wink wink*). Perhaps it was a subconscious something to do with turning 30. Perhaps it was just time. Regardless of how I came to do this, I did it. And I was a much different person because of it though it made not appear so to others. I know what I did, how I feel and that is all I need.

That was then, this is now.

A couple of years down the road and here I am. Here we are (thanks for stopping by). I continue to work on myself because a life is a thing of progress. At least that’s what I like to believe. We evolve and change and grow our whole lives through, so why not take a true interest in it each and every day, in each and every way? I liken this kind of promise to that notion of spending 15-mintues each day cleaning a different part of your house you will avoid the all day task of once a week cleaning (there’s stuff like that on Pinterest I think), but it is true.

And, those promises, the little every day ones, are often easier to break than the big ones.

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