Our lives are like stories, stories wrought with emotion and circumstance. Lovely little stories all woven together to create the epic tale that is your life.
Some stories are happy, others sad. Some stories are long while others accomplish what they need to in a paragraph.
We have poetic license with our lives.
We are the writers of our lore and legend.
And, as we end 2013 we are given new paper, perhaps, a new pen, pencil or crayon; it matters not your chosen utensil only how you use it.
I have had quite the year.
And it was quite the year that led up to this one.
The Year Before
Last year, 2012, was a challenge. A great many things came to light. All those things once thrust and held in the darkness were now out wandering in plain sight. Those things had to be dealt with; my husband and I had some challenges (aside from my typical health issues) but we overcame those as we do. We were forced to acknowledge a few things and, looking back, way back, I am thankful for the opportunity to be challenged as it has made us stronger, more sure of where we wanted to go and allowed us to make a proper plan for our futures: our future together as a couple, our future as individuals and our future as a parental unit to our wee one. Things that need to be sorted often appear to us in this way arriving mid-chaos and catastrophe to force what we are avoiding.
We were mid-renovation when it hit me, this is not what I wanted, and this is not where I wanted to or thought I would be, this is not what I wanted for my family.
It was a year of arguments. A year of walks in the park and slamming doors, although everything that occurred was on a down-played level due to the fact that we have a child and also due to our living arrangement at the time; and so, it seemed like very little was actually sorted out, nothing was ever really discussed. Maddening at times, it felt like the same argument happened over and over just in a slightly different way. Like we were comfortable with the script. It is hard to have a real conversation when the walls have ears, regardless of whether they are tuned in and listening or not.
It was a year of disappointment too. Several people let us down and we were not expecting it. We let each other down unintentionally. And when that kind of disappointment is present it is really easy to find the rug pulled out from under you.
It was a year of loss. We lost someone very close to us in an awful and untimely way. A whole year has passed and that pain is no easier to deal with; in fact, at times that loss is still somewhat hard to fathom.
It was another year without gainful employment for my husband and it destroyed him. I watched him wither away. He became like a wraith, barely even a shadow of his former self. The man I knew and loved. I watched the world beat him down until he questioned his worth as a person, a husband, a father, and unfairly too.
It was ultimately a year of growth, the most obvious seen in our wee one, but we both grew too. I made conscience decisions to change my perspective, to improve my life, to take back control in as many ways as I could. I also took some risks. I reached out to family I was told was gone from me forever.
2012 certainly had its moments; however, a few things managed to work their way to the surface and we embraced 2013 as the year of change, this is going to be it, we thought.
And boy, did change come…over and over and over again.
The Year That Was
Some parts of the world have already turned over; in Australia it is already 2014.
Here, I still have a bit of time left with 2013. About 9 hours or so. It is not getting away that easy…
In some ways 2013 never had a chance. There was a lot to live up to after a horrendous 2011 and a totally bust 2012. Perhaps, the expectations were unjustly high, but I can honestly say even with all the beauty and good and happy surprise mixed in to 2013 that I am not sorry to see it go; I am really excited for 2014. That’s it. I am really excited.
2013 was a weird year. It was a twelve month long roller coaster ride of wacky and strange. It was a year of shock and awe.
So many people surprised me this year. I was really impressed with a few of those near and dear to me. I was really let down by others. Overall it appears I have the right people in my life. It also appears that the number of them is not growing necessarily but increasing. It was a really good decision to reconnect with my family. The greatest joy of 2013 is watching my son enjoy and be enjoyed, love and be loved, by a family he deserves to be a part of, and did not deserve to miss on as he did.
My husband surprised me. We left his childhood home, the place he spent his whole life on a leap of faith! He pulled it together out of nowhere and he continues to shine brighter every day. He has his moments, as we all do, but I am genuinely impressed with him. And I am grateful, so grateful because the decisions we have made are good ones. I am grateful he sees the bigger picture now. I am happy and selfishly so to have my buddy back, because beyond the love he is my ultimate favourite person to just chill with.
My son impressed me. He is so young yet so wise beyond his years. A truly remarkable soul that one is and I am so blessed to be his mom. He went through as many changes or more as I did this year and handled it with a kind of grace I will never achieve though not without trying. He put faith in us as his parents to make good decisions, decisions well thought out and examined before executed, and he encouraged us when we questioned those decisions. He is empathetic and compassionate. Perhaps, those are qualities we all start out with and lose with age, regardless he exudes those things in a friendly, out-going manner. He is cool. And pretty stoked to have just crossed his path.
Even my pets turned it up! Both the cat and the dog handled our double-move and the months of upheaval prior to with stellar grace and faith. They rock.
2013 was a year that showed everyone’s true colours.
Then there was the move and all that it entailed. The whole process was draining. Preparing the house to be listed, dressed, photographed and sold took more out of us all than I can put in to words. Please do not mistake this for cheeky sarcasm. Perhaps it is because of the market we were in or because that is the new norm, but beginning to end, save finding our new house and being happily settled now, that process was gross and off-putting. It totally sucked, not to sound too colloquial (probably a touch late to worry about that now in this post!), but it did. It. Totally. Sucked.
My health had its moments. There are some things that need fixing. Meh. It was another year.
I took a risk and started putting stuff on this blog. A nod of thanks to all of you who check it out 😉
My creativity took a stab at a comeback. No real art to speak of. I painted a collection of birds and displayed them in a wee gallery. None sold, but at least I put them out there, right? No super over-the-top cake orders. I neglected to shop my beloved children’s book but I thought about it once or twice. Not an epic fail, but a failure still. Maybe next year will be better.
My perspective on a lot of things changed this year. I definitely feel older, in a good way; I feel like the old me wiser via experience. I am a no-guff kind of gal, I shoot straight, now I shoot a little straighter just less often. I am proud of my growth. I proud that I took risks and am continuing to take them all while having a little bit more faith. I am proud that I am excited for the next chapter, and proud that I took back control of my pen.
The Year Ahead
The year ahead is just that, the thing that is waiting to unfold before you. Take advantage and relish in the mystery. Reclaim your path and walk on, continue your journey, your way.
I wish you all happiness and good health in 2014, may it be a year of growth and discovery, one full of love and joy.
My wish is for 2014 to be a year of hope even if it feels like there is none at all.
And, remember, a soul is a resilient thing.