Why do people feel compelled to lie?
Is there ever a good reason for it?
I am impossibly honest.
My husband constantly jokes I couldn’t lie to save my life. He claims my tell is the way my eyebrows arch while I attempt to fib – no honey, I didn’t hid your favourite mug – before I even begin I can feel my face contort!
So there you go, I admit I am a terrible, terrible liar. And given my perfectionist attitude, at times, that is probably why I simply do not lie.
I have been told numerous mistruths throughout my life by almost everyone close to me, by the people who should never lie to you.
I recently saw a picture of someone on Facebook – please do not judge, I have like 40 friends on there and it is mostly to stay in touch with people in other countries – and their face made me write this post.
That person told BIG lies. That person never admitted the truth, and still haven’t; instead they removed themselves and shirked away into the shadows. That person was given several chances by several people. They were given chances they did not deserve, chances that cost others a price that was not theirs to pay. I gave that person more chance than anyone. That person disgusts me and seeing their picture today really bothered me because their lies robbed me of a great number of things. That person made me believe in things that were not true. That person (along with others) attempted to rewrite my history, a history I do not clearly remember. And, that person was not alone. There are accomplices.
When you lie you create a strand of reality that does not exist. You embark on the creation of a made-up world, an alternate reality of sorts. And it is sickening how quickly it can spread. It takes over the truth in the moment. It devours the truths of the past. And, it abolishes the opportunity for truth in the future.
Some people seem to be unable to help themselves. Their lying becomes pathological. They take liberties and paint the picture any way they see fit, even if it isn’t theirs to paint. Eventually they will get caught and, in the very least, make an ass out of themselves.
But that doesn’t help the people they have hurt.
Getting caught doesn’t undo the ever-evolving web they have spun.
Even their admittance can’t repair damages already done.
I recently learned that a lot of what has happened during the last decade of my life was chalked up to a bunch of lies told by a bunch of people. I was absent from things I deserved to be a part of, I was removed from the lives of people I loved. I missed so many things that I should not have, and unfairly so.
And because of that I have anger.
Because of that I have a tremendous amount of doubt.
Because of that I am afraid to trust again.
But I will. It is simply in my nature. I give people too many chances. And I do so almost to a fault.
That person will not get any more chances from me. I will never deny someone the opportunity to explain themselves or be remorseful for their bad behaviour, but I do not have any chances left for them. Their accomplices are many and varied. They will be dealt with on a case by case basis. No one has come forth with a want for discussion as of now.
People who lie do so for selfish reasons no matter what they may claim the reason is, and more often than not they do not consider the consequences. More often than not they do not acknowledge the collateral damage that can occur. More often than not, if they do, they do not even care.
Through it all I have learned a few things, more than I have realized and listed here, I’m sure, so I have to be grateful for those lessons.
I learned that while a decade is a long time it cannot separate those who should really be a part of each other’s lives – you really can go home.
I learned I am loved and wanted.
I learned that certain people (like my best friend/husband) do have my best interest in their hearts.
I learned to be more careful with my trust.
I learned a soul is a resilient thing.
What’s in a lie?
A world of hurt is my immediate answer. If I give it a bit more thought I would say that it is an opportunity.
A lie is a choice.
The next time you are presented with that choice, be considerate of what it entails and chose truth.
The truth should, and will, always prevail.